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This is an anonymous letter from a post abortive woman to WAKEUP ( Woman Against the Killing and Exploitation of Unprotected Persons, INC.) WAKEUP produced the brochure, I REGRET MY ABORTION, that the woman refers to in her letter.
I am not sure who you are, but I needed to get this out ...I feel like I'm about to explode. I was in my office and I came across one of your brochures and I just wanted to express how important I think it is to have a mission such as yours ...for the life of my baby, I wish I had considered an alternative option to abortion.
It has been six years since my abortion and this is the first time that I have ever spoken (well ...written) about it. All these years I have been ashamed and philologically messed up because of that decision. I saw on the cover of one of your brochures a young lady expressing that having an abortion burned a hole in her soul and changed her forever ...and I feel the same way. IT HAS BEEN THE WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my baby and what he or she would have looked like or what he or she would be doing ...I often have dreams about my baby ...not just as a baby, but as he grows (it's always boy in my dreams), about him talking, or walking and playing ...and it hurts beyond words knowing that it's just a dream and I will never experience it. I think what hurts the most is the fact that I actually saw my baby... at least the partially developed parts ... it is a picture I cannot ever get out of my head...
I often see women or parents with their babies and I am so overcome with grief and remorse that it becomes hard to breath. I just wish I had some guidance and was presented with an alternative decision back then. But I wasn't ...my father told me I had to do it and there was nothing I could do. I was just a stupid child ...hadn't thought of myself that way (in though and especially not in my actions) ...but on that day I knew that's what I was.
I feel as if I am incapable of moving on and my desire to have kids is nonexistent, as I don't possibly see how I could make a good mother after doing that. Even now, I feel so empty and lonely inside ...I have not had a boyfriend since then and I often think about just running away `from my life.' I feel like I have no one... and because of my emotional state I am not able to maintain healthy/normal relationships.
I wish I could take it all back. I wish that I could just undue that October morning and have my baby ...have my life back. I wish I could change it all ...and knowing that I can't makes me feel so hopeless. I wish I could just tell every young woman considering this that if they think having an abortion is an end to a `mistake' that they made---they are DEAD WRONG!! It is the beginning of a lifetime of regrets and that decision will be the `mistake' that will forever occupy their mind and heart. It is a heart breaking decision that will live with you forever ...and so having an abortion is really not an END at all....
I implore you to continue this effort ...I don't want to be judged or labeled a hypocrite because I made that mistake ...I am paying for that decision daily and I just want others to know that they don't have to do the same. Please do whatever it takes to get my story ...no, my mistake out there, so hopefully others won't do the same.
W.A.K.E.U.P., 4000 Cathedral Ave NW, #107B, Washington D.C. 20016